Just Say No!
by Nekoi
Summary: Find out what happens when the cast of RK try to do a short on Saying No to Drugs.


Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.  The cast of RK does not belong

to me. (I wish!)  All hail Watsuki-sama!!!!  Please don't sue this poor

broke college student. ^^;

 { } indicates a voice from off the camera/ off screen.

 * * indicates thoughts

  after movie starts indicates what happens in the classroom.

"JUST SAY NO!"

 by Seta Nekoi

 "Ohayou class!"

 "Ohayou sensei!!"

 "Today we have a special treat for you, Officer Chou, from the

 Governments Secret Service has come to visit and teach you about

 drugs.  Officer Chou."

 "Ohayou little ones!"

 "Ohayou officer Chou!"

 stage whisper," Pssst...Hey Akane...doesn't his hair look like a

 broom? " "He's a broom-head!"

 "OI!!!!  Who said that?!"

 The whole class giggles, shaking their heads.

 Mumbling to himself," little monsters....never should've agreed to

 this assignment...."

 "Anyway, today you get to watch a video that was produced especially

 for this class.  Sit down, shut up, and nobody ask to go to the

 bathroom."  Chou pushes a t.v. and vcr set up to the front of the

 class, turns on the t.v., pops a tape in the vcr and pushes play.

 The teacher turns off the lights and the class settles down to

 watch.

 Blue screen fades to show the Ministry of Education's seal, which then

fades  to show Saitoh.

 "Ohayou minna!"  he smiles, trying to look as friendly as possible.

 Wahhhh!!!  Muffled sobs could be heard around the room.  "I'm

 scared sensei!"  "It's alright minna, see his uniform, he's a police

 officer, he's here to help us." "Che, Saitoh, you're supposed to be

 friendly, now thanks to you I'm probably going to have to help clean

 up after all the kids that pissed their pants when they saw your

 smile!" Chou whispered savagely under his breath.

 I'm here today to teach you about drugs and why they are bad for

 you.  I'm also going to show you some of the consequences of using

 them.  To that purpose I have gathered normal everyday people *okay

 so they're not so normal, but they're the only ones I could find.*

 to demonstrate their knowledge of drugs and how to say no.  First we

 go to Megumi, the Fox-lady. 

  The screen fades off Saitoh and zooms

 back to show a hallway and a door that you typically find in most

 Colleges or schools.  The sign next to the door reads: Opium Recipes

 101  The door opens and we hear Megumi's voice, "Okay, then next

 we.... Ohayou!!!  Welcome to my class  Opium Recipes 101! How are

 you today?"  This was said to the cameraperson as he/she stepped

 into the classroom, revealing Megumi in her doctors smock and a

 class of 3.  "Please have a seat and pay attention.  Now class, as I

 was saying...."  Before she can get any farther the door slams open

 again and in bursts Sano.

 All the girls in the class squeal, "Kawaii!!!"  The boys started to

 groan and then saw  the kanji Aku on the back of Sano's jacket and

 cheer.

 "YOU!!!  You're the one I want!!!  Your drugs killed my friend!!!

 Megumi pales and takes a step back before falling to her knees,

 sobbing.  The rest of his accusations freeze on his lips as he

 watches her cry.

 "Gomen....gomen..." she whispers through her tears.  "But I'm forced

 to do so by the principal Kanryuu.  I don't even have the courage to

 kill myself and end it all."  she smiles bitterly.

 "That's right Megumi-san.  You are mine and will be mine forever."

 The principal Kanryuu walks in the door.  He walks towards Megumi

 and caresses her face.  Megumi flinches away.

 Sano, "Baka!!  Who do you think you are?!  You can't own people!!!"

 "But I do own her." smirks Kanryuu.

 During this "discussion"  Megumi turns to her desk and takes a

 dagger out of the drawer.  Murmuring, "The only way to atone for my

 sins is with my death"  she starts to plunge the dagger into her

 heart.

 At about this point the two men notice what she's about to do.  Sano

 moves swiftly and blocks the dagger with his hand.  "Bakayarou!!!

 What do you think you're doing!!!"

 "Killing myself!!!  I don't deserve to live after all that I've done!"  answers Megumi, tears still flowing from her eyes.

 The girls have started crying and even the guys' eyes are

 suspiciously moist.

 "Idiot.  If you live you can atone for your sins and one day face your family again.  You're nothing if you die." states Sano, staring passionately into her eyes.

 She stares into his deep brown eyes, her mind whirling. *Could what

 he said be true?!  Was there still hope for her?!*  (A far off corner of her mind commented on how attractive his eyes were, but given the serious situation, she dismissed it quickly.)

 Kanryuu watched, ignored by the two staring into each other's eyes.

 An idea began to form in his tiny brain.  His eyes widened as the idea burst into full flower.  "Yatta!"

 Megumi and Sano look up, remembering that someone else was in the

 room as well.  "Nande?" asked Sano as he prepared himself to fight for Megumi.

 Realizing he had exclaimed out loud, "Ahem...pardon, but I was just thinking.  I could... maybe... release Megumi from my service.  I was watching you two and you made me realize that drug-making is wrong and I should put my efforts into something else."  Kanryuu tries to look sincere and repentant. Megumi and Sano look at each other, puzzled, but with hope showing in their eyes.

"You two are perfect!!  With your chemistry and flair this school could win!!  So, what do you say?!"

 "What do we say to what?!" asks Sano gruffly.

 "Why, to heading the drama department of course!!!"

 Megumi straightens, stars appearing in her eyes as she thinks about the possibilities.  Sano starts to sweat.

 "Ano....I think I'm going to pass on that one.  I'm a respected gangster after all.  I'd hate to lose my rep."  Sano starts to back towards the door.

 "Hold it right there.  If you don't agree with this, then Megumi goes right back to making drugs."  Kanryuu says, his eyes narrowing.

"Sanosuke!!!  Onegai!!!  It's not that bad, and it pays well!!!" pleads Megumi.

 "....."(sweatdrop) Sano still backing towards the door.

 Megumi stands and marches forward, grabbing Sano by his wrist. "I'm not going to let you ruin this chance for me!" turning back towards Kanryuu, "We'll do it!"

 "Ah wonderful!!!!" he claps his hands together. "Hannya, Beshimi.

 Escort our new Drama heads to their department, please."

 Hannya and Beshimi appear and escort Sano and Megumi out of the class. {Hannya, Beshimi, Hyottoko, Shikiju.}  The scene fades as Kanryuu laughs his maniacal laugh.

 Shot comes back to Saitoh, who's smoking a cigarette.   Eyes widen as he notices the camera has turned back to him.

 "Ahem...cough...gasp.."  Saitoh tries to drop and grind out his cigarette before anyone notices.  Well, minna, I hope you enjoyed that object lesson taught to us by Megumi-sensei and Rooster-head. {Oi!!!!}  Now we go to another acquaintance of mine.  One who has suffered greatly as a result of a former drug habit.  *I really need to try and get him back on those drugs.*    So with out further ado, I introduce Battousai.  Camera swings away from Saitoh, who immediately lights up another cancer stick, to rest on a redhead

 sitting  in a chair behind a desk.

  "Ohayou, minna.  My name is Himura Kenshin, and I'm an former drug addict.  I used to do acid.  And those acid trips were the worst, de gozaru yo.  I dreamed I was some demon called the Hitokiri Battousai and killed all these people.  And when I was the demon my eyes turned yellow and I carried a sword that dripped blood.  Take it from me, drugs are no fun, and they can affect your life for years, even after you stop taking them." Kenshin pauses for a moment as he has a flashback.  "When I finally quit, I had to wander for 10 years while I was in withdrawal, carrying a sakaba  sword. That's a sword with a reversed edge, for those of you that don't know."  He holds his up for everyone to see. {Sugoi!!!  Awesome!! Cool!! Even the girls in the class were impressed.) "Finally after 10 years the drugs were completely out of  my system and I met my beautiful wife, you'll meet her later in the video, and had a kid.  But to this day there are still side effects.  I still have hallucinations of people coming after me and my family and wanting to fight and kill me." Flashback to Jin-e, Raijuta, etc. "There was once a hallucination so bad that I thought my beloved was dead!!  Oroooro!!  This was before

 I had proposed to her.  So please kids, just say NO to drugs."

 Camera pans back to Saitoh.  This time he's prepared and his cigarette is gone before the camera reaches him.  Murmurs, "Ahou." Smiles his scary smile.  {Fresh bout of crying starts in the classroom.}

"Welcome back kids!  I hope you're learning something from this video.

But we're not done yet!  Next is the Tanuki-girl, to teach you *weaklings* how to say no and how to defend yourself from unwanted attention.  Here she is!"

 Picture of Saitoh replaced with one of Kaoru in the dojo.

  "Hello kids, my name is Kamiya....umm...gomen..(blushes) Himura

 Kaoru.  I'm here today to teach you how to say no to drugs.  Most of the time you can just say no and walk away.  In some cases however, the person offering the drugs won't take no for an answer.  On the off chance that this might happen, and the pusher turns forceful and violent, I will show you how to defend yourself.  In the best-case scenario you can run away yelling for someone to come help you. This usually scares the pusher away.  If the pusher has grabbed you and restrains you from running, do anything you can to get away.  Bite, scratch, kick, punch, or step on their feet." She drags a protesting Hiko on camera to use as a demonstration.

 Hiko-sama!!!!!  KAWAII!!!!!!!

 "Hey!!!  Hold on a minute!!!  My hair's not finished!!!"

 "Too bad!!!  I need you to help me demonstrate some escape moves!"

 She demonstrates each of the moves she had suggested and then pauses as a voice whispers to her from off the camera.  During which Hiko turns pale and disappears. "Ahum...Tokio-dono also has suggested that if the attacker is a male you should knee him where it hurts the most."  She gets a confused look on her face, "I don't really understand it, but that's what she says."  {Ororooo}  "Also, if you happen to have your keys in your hand make a fist around them and let the keys stick out between your fingers.  They make a very effective weapon."  Smiles and Demonstrates.  On a stuffed doll that looked suspiciously like Saitoh.

 Cheers ring out in the classroom.

 {I saw that Tanuki-girl.}

 Kaoru's smile falters a bit.  "And with that we'll now show you a small skit, starring Yahiko-chan {Don't call me CHAN!!!}, Tsubame-chan, Misao-chan and Shinomori Aoshi." {Aoshi-sama!!!  I didn't know you were going to be in this!!!!!}  {....}

 Camera fades off Kaoru and then fades back to show Yahiko and

 Tsubame-chan in school uniforms standing on the side of a playground.  Yahiko seems to be asking Tsubame to the school dance.

 "S-so, will you go with me?!" Yahiko stutters, blushing.

 Looking at his red face Tsubame giggles.  *He's so CUTE when he blushes!!*

"Ha..."

 "Pssst..." a noise from the bushes interrupts before she can finish answering.

 Stepping in front of Tsubame with his shinai appearing in his hands,

 Yahiko, "Who's there?!  Show yourself!!"

 A shadow separates itself from the bushes.  "Hello kids," the shadow

 whispers, "I have some candy for you two."

 "Hey we're not stupid you know!!!  I bet that crap's not candy at all, is it?!"

 "It's grown-up candy, I thought you two might be old enough to try some."

 "Ba....Candy for grown-ups?  Honto ni?"  Yahiko starts to reach for some.

 "Yahiko!!"  Tsubame grabs his sleeve and tugs on it.  Yahiko stops and looks back, ashamed for almost falling for the shadow's trick.

 "Baka!!!  We're not interested, thank you very much!!!" Yahiko grabs

 Tsubame's hand and starts to walk away.  Only to stop when the shadow appears in front of them.

 "Did I say you could go anywhere?" it hisses, pulling two kodachi out from its concealing cloak.  Yahiko gets into his fighting stance, his shinai held out before him.

 "Yahiko!!!!!  Tsubame-chan!!!!!"

 Yahiko and Tsubame look up as a familiar voice calls out to them.

 "Stay away!!" yells Tsubame.  "It's dangerous!!!" warns Yahiko.

 "NANI!!! You're telling ME, the leader of the Oniwa Banshuu, to stay away from danger?!?!?"  The owner of the voice appears on top of the roof of a nearby shed.  Misao shakes her fist at Yahiko, her kunai flashing in the sunlight. "I should throw these at you instead of at....."  she pauses as she gets a good look at Yahiko's attacker. Launching herself off the roof at the shadow, "AOSHI-SAMA!!!!!"

 (sweatdrop)"...."

 THUD

 Misao lands atop the shadow, sending them both sprawling on the ground.  Misao, tearing off the shadow's cloak, "Aoshi-sama!!!  Why were you threatening Yahiko!!!"  Her eyes tear up. "I thought you had stopped going after Kenshin and his friends!!!  Why?"

 Looking up at her, the shadow, now revealed as Aoshi, sighs.  "It was in the script Misao.  You know, the thing we were supposed to have read to do this skit for the "Say No To Drugs" video?"

 Misao stops crying and thinks about that.  Her face brightens after a moment and she says, "That's right Aoshi-sama!!  You're not really evil again after all, are you!!"  She starts bouncing up and down in excitement at this revelation.  Not realizing that she was sitting on Aoshi's stomach.

 "Ahou."  Everyone looks up to see Saitoh leaning against the wall.

 "Get off him weasel-girl.  I have to arrest him now for dealing in illegal drugs."

 "Stay away from my Aoshi-sama!!!" screeches Misao from her perch atop Aoshi's rock hard abs. (drool ^_~)

 "Misao, this is still part of the script, remember?" Aoshi says calmly. *Anything to get her to stop bouncing on my stomach, I just ate!!!!*

 "Does he have to take you away?" sulks Misao.

 "Hai, I have to take him away.  No matter how much you both may be enjoying that position."

 Misao finally realizes where she's been sitting and blushes,

 "Ano...Gomen Aoshi-sama!"  She scrambles to her feet, allowing Aoshi to rise to his feet as well.

 Saitoh handcuffs Aoshi, "You have the right to remain.....Ah heck with it."  He draws his katana, "Aku, Soku, Zan," and starts to stab at Aoshi.

 "Yamete!!!" screams Misao, throwing herself at Saitoh.  "Don't hurt my Aoshi-sama!!!!"

 Aoshi leaps away from Saitoh and then throws himself back, knocking

 Misao away from Saitoh's thrust.  Yahiko pushes Tsubame away from the fight and then runs in, trying to hit Saitoh with his shinai.

 In the ensuing scuffle the camera gets knocked down and we lose the picture, but the audio is still working.  We can hear the shouting and the other sounds of the fight.  Then....

 "CUUUTTTTTT!!!!!"

 Black screen and then the credits roll.  At the end of the credits the whole cast is shown, most with bruises, bandages, and black eyes from the fight.  Together they shout out, "Remember minna, JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS!!  de gozaru yo."

 Picture fades out and the screen turns blue.

 OWARI!!!!!!  Finished!!!!  Yatta!!!!

Author's notes:

Hello minna!!  Hope you enjoyed this ridiculous, pointless little fic of mine!! ^^;  C&C welcome.  Be kind!!  Onegai?!  This is my first finished fic.  (Many more in the works.)

Okay, okay!! I know, I know!!!  There's not much that has to do with teaching kids to say no to drugs, but this was just the way I imagined it would happen with the Kenshin-gumi. ^^; Besides, I got a little sidetracked with all the possibilities. Thanks go out to all my friends who were willing to read this and tell me what they thought.  Big thanks to Gemini, from whom I borrowed the scene/idea that Kaoru doesn't know about a girl's first line of defense.  If you wish to see the scene in its original format/setting, you need to read the fic "With or Without You."  (I recommend it regardless.  It's very good.)

Send comments to: firekat1@juno.com

Flames will have to get passed my defender, Soujiro.  : P  (Sou-chan!!!

Daisuki!!!) ^_~


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